Your Relationship is Great! Do You Know Why?

Couples typically know if their relationship is doing well or is on the rocks, but often don’t understand “why”. They might believe their relationship’s health is out of their control and is determined by external factors such as work stress or how full their calendars are. This is a recipe for disaster, regardless of how smooth the sailing may currently be. When couples don’t understand what makes their relationship work, they are not in control and are leaving their happiness and the long term success of their relationship to chance. The good news is, there are resources like premarital counseling that help couples learn not only about their potential pitfalls, but how to capitalize on their strengths.

Premarital counseling, also known as preventative relational wellness, can be a great opportunity for couples to be curious about what has successfully gotten them this far in their relationship, in addition to exploring ways to improve their connection. For example- Are they clear about their roles and shared goals? Do they know each other’s love languages and how best to communicate affection together? Are shared values a cornerstone of their relationship and decision-making processes? Do they have a sustainable routine that prioritizes reconnection and also encourages each partner to grow as an individual? When partners understand what works for themselves and each other, they’re able to work smarter instead of harder and their relationship can thrive, no matter what stressors may crop up in their lives.

All too often, couples get stuck in the content of a disagreement and end up at odds with each other (i.e. “This is the right way to load the dishwasher!”) when in reality, if they have effective processes for communication, they are able to successfully tackle problems as a team. Skills like active listening and learning how to express themselves more accurately and authentically can save couples years of headaches and heartaches.

By understanding the meaning-making that occurs between them, couples are less likely to rely on assumptions or fall into unhealthy and unproductive communication habits. Knowledge and tools empower couples to continually navigate new seasons of their relationship with confidence. Skills like externalizing problems rather than assigning blame create a collaborative environment in which partners are able to find solutions while also avoiding the damage to their relationship that comes from the stress of fighting. Building routines for connection enables couples to effectively communicate and creates opportunities for essential repair, while also fostering an environment for the couple to grow deeper in love and more connected throughout their lifetime.

In premarital counseling, couples build awareness of successful communication processes and develop shared understanding. Communication is like dancing- the better partners understand the rhythm, the less likely they are to step on each other's toes. Premarital counseling provides a space for couples to analyze their communication and the specifics of what works (or doesn’t) for them. Each partner is a unique person, and all too often couples get themselves into trouble by assuming they can read each other’s minds or guess their needs. Active listening and feeling heard are cornerstones of effective communication and, unfortunately, too many couples do not understand how to employ these skills. Fortunately, just as quickly as miscommunication can snowball out of control, healthy communication can provide an endless well of love and intimacy.

So, do you know what makes your relationship work?